“Gone From Daylight”

Flawless Recognition – Doc has the ability to combine all of the information that his conscious and subconscious mind is absorbing at any given moment, store it away, and recall it at will. In other words, a photo flawless memory. Practicing this extra during his many years in darkness, Doc has found a way to easily categorize the information and put it into a structural pattern where he can access it instantly, much like a computer would. What’s interesting is that Doc’s brain is recording and documenting every detail of every event of his waking consciousness at all times, and yet he is able to somehow keep his thoughts from being cluttered or overwhelmed by it. In fact, he seems to be completely unaware that he is even doing it. But even though he’s not making a conscious effort to soak up this extra information…if asked to remember it, he can do so easily without error. It’s fine tuned enough to remember a whispered conversation overheard between two people, word for word, no matter how much time has passed since it happened. Even if Doc wasn’t paying attention to it the first time around. Whether there is an actuallimitto how much information Doc’s brain can hold…has yet to be seen.

“I have always been amazed at the way an ordinary observer lends so much more credence and attaches so much more importance to waking events than to those occurring in dreams… Man… is above all the plaything of his memory.” – Andre Breton

With a charming smile and a playful wit, most people would consider Doc to be a happy and ‘problem-free’ individual. And why wouldn’t they? That’s the appearance he gives to everyone around him. But if Doc was as closely connected to the others as he imagines he is…they would quickly realize that it is simply impossible for someone to be cheerful ALLof the time. And a big part of Doc’s playful illusion would be instantly broken.

A factually oriented person, Doc has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. He craves it. He can never get enough of it. Because of this, Doc is undoubtedly the smartest member of the lot, his intelligence even going beyond that of their resident father figure, Bryson. But there is a reason for Doc’s infatuation with cold facts and concrete details. There is an ’emptiness’ within him. A desire to feel. And he is desperately trying to fill that void with a constant rush of knowledge. Doc is an ‘observer’ to life, always watching the world from afar, but never really feeling as though he’s an actual partof it. It’s a problem that he refuses to face or dwell on for too long, as it is the one problem that he can’t seem to solve with logic alone.

Doc is known to avoid conflicts of any kind, no matter how small, and because of this, the others at the lot may misread his actions to think that nothing ever bothers Doc or that he doesn’t care one way or another about being an essential part of the group. Nothing could be further from the truth. Doc is far from being anti-social, but his lack of confidence in himself and his ability to engage others on an emotional level makes him seem remote and often impersonal. Certainly not in anoffensiveway, but his distant and superficial interactions with the rest can make relating to him a chore for the others. Doc has difficulty expressing his feelings, but instead of making a true effort to break out of his reclusive habits, he retreats emotionally before being put into a situation where he feels cornered or rejected by the people he cares about. Making the distance between him and his friends even bigger than before.

Doc’s way of communicating is through knowledge. And ONLY through knowledge. Share an interesting set of factual ideas or ask him a question on a subject that he’s familiar with, and Doc can speak volumes. In fact, it would be hard to get him to stop talking once he’s fully engaged. This is why Doc has become the official teacher of the lot. His extensive knowledge and experience with vampire culture, legends, myths, extras, evolution, blood scanning, etc….makes him the one to go to for answers when they need them. When he’s communicating in that particular context, Doc is cheerful, enthusiastic, and a true joy to be around. However…when the cold information has been dispensed, and any further emotional involvement is required, Doc finds himself retreating again. Unsure of how to go about involving himself in a world of feelings, he’ll most like offer a half hearted smile, and politely come up with an excuse to leave and go elsewhere, avoiding any further interaction at all. He may do it so casually that the others might not even notice it. But it’s his constant hiding that has made it difficult for anyone to truly invest a real emotional attachment to Doc. They definitely care about him a great deal, but if you were to ask them ‘why’…they may have trouble coming up with a list of sufficient reasons other than, “Because he’s Doc.”

After waking up from his crossover two weeks earlier than he should have, Doc was unfortunately involved in an accident that took the use of his legs. As his body was not fully ‘vampire developed’ yet, his sleep cycles were unable to repair the damage, and the accident permanently put him in a wheelchair. It was Jun and Dion who had to sneak into a nearby hospital and bring him home before daylight. But Doc has never let that rob him of his independence or make him feel handicapped. Doc isn’t the type to ask for help, as he has difficulty in admitting that there’s something that he doesn’t already know or hasn’t seen before. Even when hunting, Doc goes alone. He won’t accept a helping hand. But occasionally, even this part of his personality distances him from his family in darkness. Doc wants his feelings to be known and understood, but he won’t ever actually tell someone what he’s feeling at all. He holds back to the point where he can’t help himself anymore. Not only will he keep his thoughts to himself, but he’ll make it extremely difficult for anyone who generally wants to help, making them jump through hoops of fire to try to ‘guess’ at what’s bugging him. The others could shower him with love and attention all night long, and he’ll love every minute of it…but he’d never let THEM know that. Nor will he openly return that affection. He’s afraid to. That involves an emotional connection, and to Doc…emotions are too unpredictable and illogical to feel safe. So no matter how badly he may want to hear someone say that they appreciate him, he’ll never ask for it, he’ll never say it back, and he’ll never say it first. It’s just not something he does. Instead, he’ll smile gracefully, and find a way to distance himself again. Covering everything up with his flawless smile is the quickest way for him to withdraw from the situation…and escape the ‘feelings’ needed to connect.

Doc’s major flaw is the idea that emotions, his especially, are unimportant. He doesn’t realize that exchanging information with someone isn’t the same as actuallyconnectingwith someone. He tries, but the others in the lot may see him as emotionally distant, and it makes them feel as Doc is avoiding them on purpose. Something he doesn’t want and doesn’t quite understand. This is a problem that could easily be solved if only he would push himself to initiate a true emotional involvement with someone every once in a while, instead of constantly running away from the perceived ‘threat’ of it. Despite a few nasty flare ups with Trevor, Doc doesn’t have a single enemy at the lot. They would actually *LOVE* to get a chance to know Doc better and feel closer to him than ever before. They’d jump for joy at the opportunity to bond with him in a deeper way. But Doc sees that as possibly opening the floodgates, where he might find himself dealing with more emotional involvement than he can handle or feel comfortable with. Such an attachment would make running away much harder for him. So even though he desperately wants to be accepted, he barricades his true feelings behind a wall of jokes and giggles, hoping that it will somehow be enough to keep the people he loves close to him…but far enough away to not force him out of his shell. Unfortunately, when the others have been kept at arm’s length long enough…they stop trying to break through. And that only adds fuel to Doc’s belief that they don’t really care about him and would be quick to lose interest in him because he’s unworthy of their full attention.

To compensate, Doc uses his self made laptop to simulate a safe connection to reality. It’s a slightly emotional involvement that he can safely regulate with the click of a few buttons, and he can rush in and retreat as he sees fit. It helps to distract him, but at the end of the night…the emptiness is still there.

Doc has a wealth of love and friendship surrounding him at all times, and deep down I think he realizes that, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling completely shut off from it. Hopefully, he’ll someday come to understand that if he just pushed himself more to give a LITTLE bit of an emotional effort….just a LITTLE…the rewards of love and acceptance that could be returned to him would be overwhelmingly positive. It’s there if he wants it, he just has to stop being too scared to reach out for it.

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