The last few days were a daze in my mind. I felt like I had a warm bubble floating in my chest the whole time. It was such an incredible feeling! But now that I know what it feels to fully love someone, and to be so fully loved back. . . I don't know how I had survived this long without it. It was a strength I never realized I had until I discovered this new feeling; and yet it was a strength that I now know I'll n ever have again. Because now that I know what it feels like, I don't think I could ever go back to not having it in my life again. It would not be possible.
It had been raining the past few days since we finished the vampire club scene, and all filming had been halted until the rained stopped. So we had to wait another day for the mud to dry in the car lot we had rented for our next scene. We had a 'meeting' that day, where Jim and Donna basically drilled our characters into our brains! And I finally got to meet the majority of the main cast -- basically everyone from 'the lot'. Besides Scott, Paul, Marc, Terry, and. . . . . . Landon, I got to meet the actors that would be playing Bryson, Rain, Dion, Kid, Doc, and Jenna. Nolan was the oldest out of the main cast, playing Bryson, and he was also the only one of the group that had a bit of some stubble on his face. He was also the most experienced when it came to acting, and he had a nice record of theatre plays and movie characters. A girl named Lara was playing Rain, and I was surprised that she looked exactly how I had pictured her when I had first read the books! I kinda stayed away from her. A really cute black boy that looked just a little older than me was playing Dion, and his name was James. During our DAY long meeting, James would doodle on his paper and we were all so amazed at his drawing talent, that once Jim stopped talking long enough to realize we had all huddled around James to see his art and told us to break it up at once! And the most adorable little kid I had ever seen was playing, er, Kid. His name was Ralph but he insisted on everyone calling him Ralphie. A boy named Felix was playing Doc, but he, unlike his character was very much able to walk on two legs! But that didn't stop Donna from making him use a wheelchair from this point forward. And a very pretty girl named Alison was playing Jenna, and boy did that girl know how to TALK! She talked about everything and anything!
The meeting was fun, for the most part. Jim and Donna had us do a lot of 'acting exercises' for character building and development. And everyone was really cool. I was able to get along with them easily, and I saw that Julian was having a good time himself. But his eyes would always wander back to me and he would smile bashfully each time, as we 'secretly' flirted with each other from across the room throughout the day. The only stain on the day, was Landon. I noticed more than once that he would be looking directly at me and Julian, and he had less than that smirky smile on his face that he usually wore. It was a bit unsettling but I tried to ignore him, something that I knew was going to be tough to do.
The next day after our meeting I was taken to the studio to sign some papers the execs needed, and from there I would be taken to our first official shooting of the 'lot scene' in the evening.
"Adam, this is it. The main cast is all gathered, and it's going to be a lot more work from now on. You ready?" said Jim as I finished signing the last of the forms. He looked at me very carefully, as if trying to see 'signs' of something.
"Definitely!" I said confidently, looking back at him. He nodded but didn't break the stare.
"It's gonna be a lot of work Adam. Especially for you. I know we've said that more times already than you'd probably like to hear, but we just want you to know that. And even though we've just started, I'm already proud at how much you've had to put up with so far," he said. It was then that I realized just how 'cool' Jim was being at the moment, and I couldn't help but feel really touched by his comment.
"Thanks Jim. Really," I said. He nodded more confidently this time, and smiled.
"Alrighty! Well then, Julian's down the hall, if you can grab him quickly so we can get going," replied Jim. He neatly stacked up the paperwork and put it in a briefcase pack. I nodded and made my way down the hall.
I don't remember having ever been into this particular room in the studio before, and I was wondering what Julian would be doing here, surrounded by what seemed like a cavern of supplies, lights, set pieces, manikins with hairpieces and clothes on them, and special effects equipment lying all around. But I did remember Julian telling me that he was always fascinated by the 'magic' behind filmmaking, so I wasn't too surprised he'd be hanging around in here.
I found Julian sitting down by one of the benches and I called out to him happily. He had his back to me and it looked like he was looking down at his lap. I don't think he heard me, so I 'snuck up' behind him as quietly as I could -- a feeling of excitement rushing through my body as I tried to stifle a laugh from escaping my lips. I placed a hand on his shoulder when I reached him, but he didn't even flinch!
"Hehehe! I guess you heard me come in," I said. Then I looked around and smiled mischievously.
"You know. . . we're kinda 'alone', right now. . . hehehe, rrrow!" I couldn't help myself! He was just sooo sexy! And being alone with him in a maze-like room like this was sending tingling feelings all over my body, and I started to get 'excited' from the thought alone! I felt this weird star-like tingling in my groin like I had never felt before! It was just a whole different level of excitement! And while still standing behind him, I used my hand to push aside some of his hair to reveal that beautiful neck of his. It was so smooth looking that I moaned out loud! I leaned down and placed my lips to his satiny smooth skin. . . but his skin was cold. Ice cold-
"Adam, hehehehe! What are you doing?!" said Julian from BEHIND me! I spun around and saw Julian standing right behind me!
"Oh my God!" I gasped as I spun around. Julian was giggling uncontrollably, and as I turned I DROPPED the OTHER Julian and realized 'it' was a DOLL!
"AAAAHHH!" I screamed out loud. Julian doubled on his laughter, holding on to his sides. But I looked from him to the doll that was now lying on the floor, my heart beating a hundred times per second!
"Adam! Oh my gosh, were you MAKING OUT with a doll?!?! Hahaha!" he laughed out loud. By now, I was feeling INCREDIBLY embarrassed by the situation, and I tried not to look Julian in the eye.
"I thought it was YOU! I swear! I mean, what are they doing building you a doll, anyway?!?! That thing looks REAL!" I gasped, my heart was beating impossibly fast! Julian had tears in his eyes from his laughter, and by that point I couldn't help but grin back at him. He was just contagious!
"I've always wanted to see how 'realistic' they could make me as a manikin! The special effects guys, they're really cool and made this for me. It's not even for the film. . ." he said giggling. I turned beet red.
"Well. . . I thought it was you. . . so," I said sheepishly.
"I believe you. . . perv! Hehehe!" I playfully shoved him but he stopped teasing me and said, "We gotta go, they're waiting for us outside. But I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you from now on, especially around dolls, hehehe!" he giggled but gave me a quick kiss on the lips -- the smooth, 'warm' lips feeling sooo incredible next to mine. It was going to be very difficult trying to maintain the character I needed to pull off for the upcoming scenes, with Julian around me. He kept me at such a constant 'high' emotionally, that I was afraid it would show through to my acting.
It didn't take long to get to the location. The lot was located not far from downtown Chicago, and the place was HUGE. Immediately at the entrance, there was already a great congregation of film crew, equipment, along with their trailers and trucks. The rest of the lot seemed to have been left much as it originally was, looking as authentic as possible.
"Okay you two, most of the prep work is done -- I just need to work with the guys on the light positions for the set, and I need to talk to a few people before we get started, I'll see you two in a few!" Jim said hurriedly. He quickly disappeared into the crowd and began busying himself with his setup aspects.
"I'm surprised Landon isn't already swarming around you yet," I said bitterly, as I looked around for him. Julian gave me a bit of a serious look, but still smiling slightly.
"Oh Adam! Will you quit it already? Hehe, what are you so worried about, anyway?" he said, looking at me carefully. He tried to keep a light tone to it, but I think he meant what he said. But I didn't get a chance to answer.
"Here they are! Alright boys, it's show time!" Julian and I both turned around and saw Donna rushing toward us. She grabbed us by the arm before we could even register what was going on and led us into the busy looking lot.
"Julian, in your trailer, A-SAP! I'll be with you in 20!" Donna said as she led him to his trailer. Julian and I looked at each other for a second, and he flashed me an incredible smile before he went in his trailer. My cutie. . .
"Adam, follow me!" she led me across the clearing to the other side where my trailer stood, and we saw Dave quickly making his way toward us. He handed me a copy of the script for the scenes we would be shooting as we walked.
"We didn't make many changes, but there's a lot of stuff we re-worked for the blocking, just a heads up dude," he said quickly as he headed away again. Then a woman wearing a headpiece and holding a walkie-talkie jogged up to us.
"How much time for Adam?" she asked Donna as she passed by.
"Give us 35!" replied Donna, not slowing down.
"Adam! Wait up bud -- how tall are you?" said a guy from behind me. I turned as I walked, "Uh. . . 5'6?" I replied.
"Thanks, dude!" he said, and rushed off. Then I saw Scott, James, and Paul walk by, water bottles in hands. The looked like they were all dressed up and ready, and were just milling around the set.
"Hey, Adam!" they said in unison as they walked together.
"Hey, what's up!" I said, before Donna literally shoved me in my trailer.
My stylists were already inside, and went quickly to work on me before I even sat on my chair! Donna spent about twenty minutes with me, going over my lines, before she took off to see Julian and the rest of the cast. I remembered that I needed to start getting into character, so I tried thinking about Justin. But images of Julian kept popping up in my head instead! C'mon Adam! You need to get in character!
"Adam! We need you on set in 2 minutes!" yelled a lady right outside the trailer.
"There's a lot of dust in this lot Adam, but try not to touch your face," said one of the stylists as I began getting up. She was dabbing on some powder to my face and another stylist was still working on my hair as I stood up. I tried to get away from them as I reached the door, but they were doing their BEST to do finishing touches on me!
"And keep your hands away from your hair, or it'll start sticking up from static if you do. . . in fact, lemme grab some metal-" I managed to free myself and opened the door and get out! At this rate, they would've never left me! And Jim HATES it when we're late!
Everyone looked so very busy! The sun was just beginning to set, and a lot of lights had already been set up around the main clearing. There were many cameras set up in different locations, some of them on dollies, and two on crane machines for spanning shots. I looked around for a second and quickly spotted Julian standing near his trailer, but my heart leapt to my throat when I saw Landon standing right next to him, chatting with him! I balled up my fists and stomped my way angrily across the clearing --
"Hey! Wow, hold it there Adam! We need you for rehearsal over here! Nolan's here and we're all ready," said Donna as she grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around. Nolan was standing next to Jim, and waved at me. But I looked back at Julian and then at Donna. She looked over at Julian, "Don't worry, he'll be here in a few minutes, but we need to block you and Nolan first," she said.
"But-"
"Okay Adam! You're going to be holding two bags as you 'walk into' the lot, so grab those bags right over there. . ." said Jim who was just ahead. But my eyes darted back to Julian and Landon who were still talking! I mean, Julian knows how I feel about Landon! WHY did he need to rub it in my face like this?!
"I kinda wanted-"
"Adam, bags are over here sweetie," interrupted Donna, pulling me toward 'my bags'. I sighed heavily, feeling thoroughly frustrated with the situation. There wasn't much I could do now. But I had this heavy metallic feeling in the pit of my stomach now.
"You're going to be startled by Bryson and we're going to need you trip over your bags, so we need to practice that first," said Donna. So we spent the next few minutes 'practicing' how to fall down. It was tedious and boring, but since it was still rehearsal, no one was complaining about the frown in my face. But I might as well get into character now. . .
The next twenty minutes felt like an eternity! By that time there was no hint of sunlight over the horizon, and the lot had suddenly become a little more intimidating. I now realized that if anyone strayed away from the area, you could easily get lost in the maze of cars and junk. Jim spent another twenty minutes getting the lights set up perfectly for this particular scene. And when I looked for Julian, he was no where to be spotted. And I began to panic when I couldn't find Landon standing around, either. But why should I even be worrying about this?! I mean, Julian loves me, right? But then. . . he hasn't actually told me that, exactly. I bit my lower lip. . . waitaminute. . . Julian HASN'T told me that! What if -- what if he was just. . . 'toying' with me? Just a little side meal until he got to his main course -- Landon?!
But he did show up for his blocking finally, but it didn't ease my fears at all that he suddenly appeared with Landon by his side! I gave Landon a long hard stare, and he only looked at me with a creeping smile forming on that stupidly perfect face of his! God how I hated him! What the hell is he doing running off in a DARK lot with Julian?! Eventually we were told everything was set and to get into places.
"Okay everyone! We're ready for our first shot of the night!" said Jim's camera assistant. That metallic feeling in my stomach kept getting stronger, but I did my best to try and concentrate on what I needed to be doing. Jim and his assistant sat on their camera crane arm, ready to do their master shot as usual, while another cameraman was in control of another camera on a dolly to do a shot of me walking.
People started moving around a little faster, putting up light screens near where I stood, and a person was adding some finishing makeup to Nolan as I waited.
"Quiet everyone!" said Jim. The entire lot was suddenly enveloped in an eerie silence. The clapper walked right in between me and the dolly cameraman and slapped the board loudly.
"GFD lot scene! Take one!" he said.
". . . ACTION!" yelled Jim.
I began walking slowly for a few feet, pretending to 'struggle' with my bags as I nervously looked around the empty lot. But of course it wasn't empty AT ALL. People were standing in a great circle around the scene, and all eyes were on me as I acted out my blocking. Even at this point, my eyes darted back and forth, hoping to spot Julian, but couldn't see him anywhere.
"Knock knock!" a voice said loudly from behind me. It did startle me a little, since I didn't know exactly when he'd say his first line. I spun around and looked up at him. He loomed over me and I took a step back and fell over my bags and onto my butt.
"Can I ask you exactly what you think you're doing here?" said 'Bryson'.
"What?" I said, simulating me a bit out of breath. Nolan loomed closer over me. I saw another camera get closer to do a tight shot.
"CUT!"
"Adam, don't look at the camera! You need to focus on Nolan!" said Jim. I nodded and was about to get up again when I was told to stay in the same position.
"From your line Nolan!" said Jim. The clapper stood between us and slammed his clapperboard.
"GFD lot scene! Take two!"
"ACTION!"
"Can I ask you exactly what you think you're doing here?" said Nolan. He loomed over me again, and this time I looked up at his eyes, which flashed with mischievousness. He was good. Very good.
"What?" I replied with the same scared tone.
"WHAT. . . are you. . . doing. . . HERE?" he repeated, this time putting his hands to his ears as if I was stupid or deaf or something. I ALMOST lost it at that point and laughed out loud! It just looked funny, but I tried sooo hard to keep a serious face! And I think I made a stupid expression with my face and messed up because Jim suddenly yelled out cut again.
"That was great Adam! I love the shocked expression! We're gonna use that, and we're going to cut into the next shot with Nolan!" said Jim. PHEW! Saved again!
"Good job, dude!" said Nolan. I looked at him and smiled. It felt good getting complimented by someone with so much experience!
"Okay Nolan, from your next line, please! QUIET everyone!" yelled Jim. I quickly tried to compose myself! If there was one thing that was more difficult than acting itself, it was switching back and forth between personalities so quickly!
"ACTION!"
"You still haven't answered my question kid," said Nolan.
"Look, I must have just made a mistake. . ." I said nervously. I pretended to look around.
"HA! You're damn right you made a mistake, buddy boy!" Nolan replied expertly. Damned, he was good! I liked the way he sounded so flawlessly 'real'! I could see Jim on the camera crane arm float next to us but I tried to ignore it.
"Can I please just go?" I said.
"Umm. . ." he tapped his index finger to his lip thoughtfully as he looked up at the dark sky, ". . . I'm thinking, no."
"CUT!"
"Great job you two! That was fantastically done!" said Jim. People all around clapped, and I felt thoroughly pleased with myself!
"Alright guys! Bring in the suspension crane!" yelled Jim. I doubled over.
"Huh -- what? Suspension crane?" I said looking around.
But no one paid attention to me as suddenly I saw a very tall metal crane loom over us.
"Uh. . . Donna?" I said, still looking up at the very tall crane.
". . . Yeah, sweetie?" she replied as she highlighted some stuff in a binder.
"What's -- what's the crane for?" I asked. She looked over at me.
"Adam, you don't think Nolan could really lift you up with one arm, did you? He's not really a vampire! They're just going to use it to simulate Bryson lifting you from the ground," she laughed. I was suddenly aware of how damp my palms felt. I didn't, didn't like heights.
". . . How high?" I heard myself squeak. But I didn't get an answer as three crew members came up to me and told me to remove my jacket. They strapped on a harness and explained to me they were going to test out the crane lift with me. Everyone else was starting to go about business as usual. Donna was advising Nolan, and Jim was speaking with his assistant about the next shot. And then I saw Julian walk over near me to say hi and smile brightly in my direction. But for the first time ever, his presence didn't help to ease my mind.
As they finished setting up the harness. I was told they going to do a test run with the crane and lift me up twenty feet in the air.
"But I only need to be lifted like. . . half a foot!" I said slightly desperately.
"We just want make sure it's working properly," they replied.
"What about a double? What about a big buff guy to lift me up instead?" I whispered to Donna insistently. She finally looked up at me from her binder. I think she noticed something was 'wrong'.
"Sweetie. . . it'll be alright, lifting cranes are standard stuff in big budget films. And we cant have someone just lift you up without some type of support," she said calmly. But as I heard the machine make a noise and start pulling me up, I felt like my stomach just flipped itself INSIDE OUT! The crane lifted slowly, but if felt TOO fast for me! And twenty feet felt like a HUNDRED feet to me! I didn't dare look down, and I didn't dare look up! I kept my eyes closed, and cursed in my mind about why everyone needed to make a SIMPLE thing like someone lifting you up into such a complicated situation!! WHY didn't ANYONE tell me that they were going to use a lifting crane?! When I read the script, I at leastthought they would get a big guy to double for Nolan and lift me up!
"Hey Adam! Nice briefs you got under there!" I suddenly heard Landon yell from below. I panicked and without thinking that I was actually wearing jeans I instinctively crossed my legs, but that action caused my body to lean forward and I suddenly felt my stomach reach my throat!
"AAAHHH!" I yelped while I heard the crew telling me to spread my legs out. I SERIOUSLY thought I was gonna flip over and fall! And I could hear Landon and a few others laughing out loud. . . thinking this was just a funny joke! I felt a fury begin to build up in the pit of my stomach! As I looked down however, I quickly spotted Julian, who was looking at Landon and I could swear that he rolled his eyes! But they finally began lowering me down again, and I glared at Landon as I descended, my arms stretched out to my sides uselessly. I touched the firm ground I felt my legs quake with nervousness. But Landon was grinning maliciously at me and I gave him a cold stare in response. I couldn't believe that Landon would embarrass me like that! I was so angry! And what made things worse was that Julian once again gave me that look that said to not let him 'push' my buttons, and it was now starting to annoy me here! I mean what the hell! Exactly WHY is Julian 'defending' Landon anyway?! He should be on my side! But I wasn't given any chance to fume over it, because Jim wanted to start the next shot right away. It took two hours, but we eventually got to the point where everyone in 'the lot' were introduced into the film. It was the first scene of the evening where I'd have to deal with Landon again, too.
"This is our first shot with the entire main cast in it, guys! So let's try and get this right in as few shots as possible!" said Jim. They had us standing away from the set, behind some cars so we couldn't see everyone sitting down.
"Everything's set, Jim!" said a stage hand.
"Alright! Dim the lights on the right, please! QUIET everyone!" the whole place became eerily quiet once more.
"Okay. . . ACTION!"
They set up the shot deeper in the lot, where they built a large ring of cars around an open space. Julian and I walked forward, being followed by a cameraman on a dolly. We made it into the opening, where everyone was milling around, doing their own thing or improvising conversations and it all looked so real. As if we had stumbled upon a bunch of 'ruffins' hiding around in a junkyard. The only thing that looked out of place were the cameras, lights, boom poles, and film crew standing around the edges.
"Everybody. . . this. . . is Justin. I invited him here tonight," Julian said, slightly nervously. Everyone looked up at me, some at each other and then back at me. They began improvising whispers and giggles. And it all made me feel really uncomfortable! Standing there and having EVERYONE watch me! I nervously tried to ignore a camera lens getting closer to me as it did a close up shot of my face.
"Hello Justin, I'm Doc," I turned around and there was Felix sitting in his wheelchair. "Glad you could stop by," he continued. I almost forgot my blocking and didn't shake his hand, but he reached out first.
"CUT!" Yelled Jim. At first I thought I had messed up again, but Jim said we were doing great.
"Julian, you're doing great honey, but you're moving your head away from the camera too much, try to focus on one particular object and keep staring at it like we practiced, okay?" said Donna. Julian looked over at me and blushed a deep red, but nodded. Stage hands came on to the set hurriedly and dabbed some powder on some of the actors that were 'shining' too much and a few of the lights were moved around for a moment.
"Okay, from your next line, Julian! Quiet everyone!" said Jim. Then the clapper came up in front of the camera and slammed it again. That thing was beginning to annoy me.
"GFD lot scene! Take thirty five!" he yelled.
". . . ACTION!" yelled Jim.
"Over here is Jun," said Julian, pointing to Terry. Terry smiled at me briefly before looking over at Julian more seriously.
"Hey. So Taryn. . . is he. . . you know. . . is he gonna stay?" he asked him. Julian looked over at me and smiled bashfully, biting his lower lip slightly.
"I don't know," he answered Terry. "I hope so," he added with another glance back at me. I smiled back at him, that incredible feeling spreading across by body once more. But then Landon came walking up toward us, a cocky stride with each step. It's like he was made for 'living' in front of the camera, the way he did it all so easily. God he was disgusting!
"Well! Looks like Taryn's found himself a little boy here. That's so cute," he said looking directly into my eyes with that ever present smirk on his face. Every word he said to me felt so real though. And I looked at him harshly.
"Ooh, and he's thinking about me. Always a plus," he continued, tilting his head to the side like a stupid puppy. AS IF I'd ever think about HIM! I was about to say something, simply from all the frustration of the day, but Julian got right in between us stopping me from ruining the scene.
"Don't be a jerk Trevor," he said as he glared at Landon. HA! I looked back at Landon and gave him a satisfied smile.
"Awww. . . didn't mean to steal your spotlight loverboy. He's all yours," said Landon.
"Shut up, dick!" said Julian and he shoved him. Oh man! Just hearing Julian say that word got me all charged up again, even with Landon standing there next to me! He sounded sooo cute saying it! Then Julian looked over at me and smiled again, going along with the scene. But then Landon walked over to Scott and leaned in as if to kiss his lips but Scott seemed to shy away and laugh.
"CUT!"
Jim decided to give us a little break because he didn't like something with a particular shot in the scene, so he wanted to work it out. Scott came up to us looking slightly embarrassed.
". . . Aw, sorry guys!" said Scott.
"It's just a quick peck on the lips Scott. But if you're not comfortable with it we can change it to a kiss on the cheek," said Donna as she walked up to him with script in hand. Scott blushed and looked around.
"Heh. . . uh yeah. . . I mean. . . no offense to you, dude. . ." Scott said as he looked over at Landon. But Landon flashed him a smile.
"None taken cutie," he replied. "But hey, maybe I could demonstrate how to do a good 'simulated' kiss with my buddy here!" he added as he placed his arm around Julian's shoulder. Julian giggled and told Landon to stop messing around. But my eyes quickly widened and I couldn't take his stupid 'hints' anymore!
"Maybe you could get your hands off him. . ." I said as I pulled Julian toward me and added, ". . .and stop touching him without his permission all the time!" Landon stepped up to me and smiled at me again. But before he could open his mouth Julian startled all of us by suddenly speaking out loud --
"Okay, that's it! I've had enough of this! You two seriously need to grow up!" he said, and he gave me and Landon a dirty look and walked away from us. Scott and Donna looked from me to Landon with utter confusion.
"What, was that about?" asked Donna, who for the first time in the night had stopped highlighting in her binder. But I didn't look her in the eye, I didn't look at anyone in the eye after that. My heart was deflating, it's beats slowing down to an infinite level. What just happened? WHY don't I understand what just happened?! I -- I wasn't even angry at Landon anymore, and he looked just as serious, not even smiling anymore. I had this whole different feeling in my chest now. . . and I didn't like it. They way Julian looked at me, I never thought he'd look at me like that. It was a look of disgust. . . and I just. . . I felt like vomiting.
I looked over at Julian, but he was sitting with Ralphie who seemed to be glad to have someone to 'play' with. But Julian's smile didn't look real, and he kept staring off blankly, and I could almost see the moisture in his eyes. How did everything just flip around SO suddenly?! I screwed up. . . I screwed up really bad, and now I don't know what I'm going to do.
Originally, I had planned to go a little further with Part 4, but I had felt like it was winding on too much. So I had decided to cut it and put the last part in the beginning of Part 5. But looking back, I feel I made a mistake, because the ending of Part 4 feels too 'forced', and contrived for my liking. So I have decided to post the last piece of Part 4 as originally intended, and now that I see it, I think Part 4 will now end more with a better sense of 'completion'. I hope you guys enjoy! And please tell me what you think of the change! I hope I'm not doing the EXACT opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish! Hehehe! Well, enjoy!
The rest of the night was beyond awkward. And once we wrapped up for the night, I seriously thought that Julian was going to storm off and I wouldn't see or hear from him again until our next scheduled shoot. I desperately wracked my brain as I tried to come up with a way to approach him and apologize for. . . whatever I did. Because even now, I really don't know exactly what I did wrong. I felt so stupid because of that. Hadn't I done the right thing? I was protecting him from Landon! And Julian KNOWS how much Landon had been testing me, and how he seemed to be doing it all on purpose! And. . . and I just felt even more stupid and angry at myself because by the looks of it, I must've broken some sort of world record for shortest lived relationship. He was my first everything, and it didn't even last a month. But I was very shocked when I spotted Julian walking slowly toward me, and my heart began to beat very fast. . . not knowing what to expect.
"Adam. . . can I um, talk to you? In my trailer?" he said softly. He only looked at me in the eye for a second before looking down at the ground.
"Yeah. . ." I managed to reply.
We didn't speak as we walked to the trailer, and the whole time my heart was pounding in my chest. Film crew were rushing back and forth between us, but none of them paid us any attention as we reached the trailer.
Julian closed and locked the door, and surprised me by walking up to me and wrapping his arms around my neck in a tight embrace. After a second of confusion, I placed my arms around his slim waist and pulled him close to me. He sighed deeply on my neck, and I felt a soft kiss on my skin. He leaned back and looked me in the eyes.
"I'm sorry if I got a little weird earlier and 'overreacted'. . . but I kind of got a little fed up with the um. . . 'thing' you and Landon have going on. I was starting to feel like I'm just some piece of 'meat' to you two or something," he said softly.
Oh.
"No no! You're not some piece of meat to me, Julian! You're the most incredible and amazingly wonderfully sweet boy on this planet! I'd neverthink of you like that! I just. . . I've never known someone like you, Julian. And I guess I don't know how to 'handle' some things," I said, hoping he knew I meant Landon. He smiled shyly as he heard what I said, and it made me grin in return.
". . . I think that about you too, Adam. . . but I just. . . I felt embarrassed when you. . . when you pulled me away from Landon like that. . . I dunno. . . it just -- embarrassing," he added. I felt my heart melt, remembering how I kinda pulled him away from Landon. . . maybe a bit too roughly in front of everyone.
"Ohh Julian. . . I'm so so sorry. . . I-I didn't mean it like that. . ." I heard my voice quiver a bit.
"I know, just. . ." he seemed to struggle with his words. "Don't do it again?" I said for him. He looked at me almost apologetically, afraid that I would rebuke him for something I was at fault in. Oh God, he was so perfect, so angelic. . .
". . .Yeah,"
I leaned forward and touched noses with him and gave him a peck on his lips. "I'll never do that again Julian. Promise," I said. He closed his eyes and sighed as he leaned his head on my chest again. "I guess. . . I kinda feel a little stupid. . . for thinking like this. For making it such a big deal," he added.
". . . Nothing about you is stupid, Julian. And if it's a important to you, then I'll make it important too," I replied. He looked up at me again, his emerald green eyes sparkling through a thin sheet of tears.
"I'm glad I signed up for that audition, otherwise I don't think I would've ever known you," he said after a moment of silence.
"Oh? So you were tracking me down to get to know me huh? Now who's the piece of meat? I -- OUCH!" Julian slugged me in the arm but smiled. I think it was the 'perfect' moment, because it really broke the tension in the air. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead to seal the apology.
"I just have one question though. If uh. . . if Landon ever tried to -- er, put the moves on you. . . what would you do?" I asked. Julian eyed me carefully.
"Trust me Adam, the farthest he's ever gonna go with me already happened a few days ago on that roof. And that's only because it was my 'job'," he said confidently. He leaned forward again and nuzzled his face under my chin and I wrapped my arms around him protectively. ". . . I can't even dream of being with anyone else but you," he said. I started getting hard from holding him so close and Julian quickly noticed, because a second later I felt him push his hips ever so slightly forward, making me moan out loud. And then I felt a bulge begin to rise through his own jeans, as he whimpered on my neck. I think Julian felt my heart begin to beat faster in my chest, and he looked up at me with the sexiest glance I have ever received from him! His eyes were glazed over and half closed as he slowly leaned his lips toward mine, and then everything went black as our eyes closed and we began kissing. . . slowly at first, and then more urgently. His hips began pushing into mine with more force and I moaned into his mouth as I ran my hands around his hips and grabbed his incredible cheeks. I kneaded them roughly, and Julian responded by kissing me more passionately, his tongue entering my mouth and intertwining with mine in an incredibly hot, wet battle.
We began stumbling unconsciously toward his small bed at the end of his trailer, and I fell back with Julian on top of me, as we looked deep into each others eyes. I swear, it was almost as if I could see the love in his eyes. . . like his heart was open to me through those wonderfully green orbs. We giggled for a moment, as these incredibly warm feelings rushed through our chests. I couldn't believe I had him here with me, like this! We hadn't had a chance to be alone since that night at the vampire club scene. . . and we've never gone beyond giving each other quick kisses. It was just too much for my mind to handle! And somewhere in the back of my mind was that insistent warning that there were a lot of people just outside this trailer, and you could HEAR the crew as they passed by! But the rest of my mind didn't care as I felt Julian grind himself up and down on top of me so slowly, feeling his hardness throb through our jeans. And he'd rub so far up on my crotch that occasionally the cleft of his cheeks would land right on top of my throbbing erection. I grunted and closed my eyes shut as I literally pushed my whole waist up in the air, causing Julian to rise on top of me as our crotches grinded together -- the sound of our jeans rubbing harshly together created the most erotic noise ever! He began kissing my neck, my shoulders, my cheeks and nibbling my ears -- and then he began whimpering into my ears!
". . . Mmm. . . I love you, mmm -- I love you so much Adam. . . mmmmh. . ." he moaned, and it was just too much for me! I grinded my hips as if I was trying to literally PUSH myself into Julian, and I came hard! I felt my underwear soak completely! And then I felt Julian push down on me just as hard, only seconds after my powerful orgasm. . . and just as he began to have what looked to be the most amazing explosion of his life, he helped me finish mine! And then it was over.
We were breathing hard into each others mouths, our lips barely touching -- but our noses side by side. It felt like minutes before our breath came back to somewhat normal. Julian looked down at me, a dreamy look in his eyes.
"That -- that. . . was. . . amazing!" he breathed out. He looked so hot -- his hair tousled and face flushed red.
"Oh man. . . I -- I. . . oh God I love you Julian!" I finally managed to say. And he was leaning down once more, to give me another kiss when there was a LOUD knock on the door!
"Julian! Are you in here?!" we heard Donna yell. She tried opening the door but it was locked. We scrambled to our feet and tried to fix our hair as Julian ran to the door and opened it.
"What are you two doing in here? Why was the door locked?" she asked as she looked from me to Julian. Ugh! Why does she have to ask so many questions! I suddenly felt so self-conscious, as if the letters S-E-X were plastered all over our faces! Julian looked at me, hoping to find something. But I quickly spoke up.
"I -- uh! We. . . I was showing Julian some of the stuff. . . I uh, do every morning when I wake up to help me. . . relax my face muscles before a shoot!"
"Yes! He was uh. . . doing that," added Julian quickly. Too quickly! Donna looked at the two of us again, but nodded slowly.
"Well. . . we were looking for the two of you. We have your call lists ready, we just wanted to give it to you along with some notes for you to look over," she said. Julian and I sighed as awkwardly as possible and nodded.
But as we prepared to follow Donna outside, I looked over at Julian and smiled as warmly as possible. I could tell from his expression that he was dying to run up to me and hold me again. I think we reached a wonderfully new level together, this night. . . and things will never be the same again.