“Gone From Daylight”
“He’s My Music Now”
Emotional Neutralizer – Dion possesses the ability to shut down any and all of his emotional feelings at will. Fear, sadness, doubt, anger, joy, or anything else involving a particular emotional involvement in his current situation…can all be mentally shut off with a single concentrated thought. It is unknown how long he can maintain this state of mind, but it is believed that he can do so indefinitely if needed. However, while Dion can effectively use this ability to give him great clarity and can allow him to function ‘logically’ without letting illogicalemotions cloud his judgement, it is believed that he’s used it so often that he has unwillingly blurred the line between true emotion and a temporary emotional simulation. In order to compensate, and experience something that he considers ‘real’…Dion often uses music and melody to remind him of what true emotion feels like. Something he has been seriously lacking in his life…until his boyfriend, ‘Dylan’, came in to change all that.
“Let the wave of memory, the storm of desire, the fire of emotion pass through without affecting your equanimity.” – Sri Sathya Sai Baba
While very little is really known about Dion’s past human life, or even about his true origins in darkness, Dion still remains one of the most trusted members of the lot. A strong presence that many others have learned to count on and attach themselves to, a protector, a confidant, and a friend. But beneath the surface, he has surrendered his ability to really share that same attachment with anyone else. It’s almost as if he feels unworthy of it. This is all a part of Dion’s intricate design. An extremely private person, Dion has gone to great lengths to hide half of his true self (if not more) on most occasions from the rest and shows no intention of ever letting down that barricade between himself and the closest of his companions. Behind that emotional wall is where he feels most comfortable. That is where he feels that he can do the most good.
It is unclear why Dion wanted to crossover into darkness and leave his human life behind. Perhaps some sort of tragedy or traumatic event consumed him, making his need to escape emotion and companionship a necessity…resulting in the formation of his extra. No one knows for sure. But what ISclear is that Dion maintains a hidden desire to reach out and truly ‘connect’ with someone else in a very honest and profound way. It is a complete contradiction within himself that he has somehow been able to keep at a constant standstill until recently…when he broke that cycle through Dylan. And partially through Justin’s friendship.
Dion is desperately looking for someone to share his existence with. Someone special. Someone who may be able to understand him, and who will find him worthy enough to want to penetrate the shield he’s put in front of them as an obstacle. But at the same time, Dion is deathly afraid of loving or caring about someone too deeply without the proper protection. He simply believes that he can’t bear to be left so unguarded. Dion needs to be the ‘strong’ one. The ‘wise’ one. But he never learned how to feel safe and comfortable in sharing himself with others, and it has created a huge blind spot where his life is concerned. His first attempt to love without any major risk was accomplished by turning his canine companion, ‘Napolean’, when he found him hurt and dying on the side of the road. A pet that he could care for and look after, without really having to give himself over to an overwhelming rush of human emotion. Napolean was something that he could love without the suspicion and worry of having it all come crashing down around him. His next encounter came from sharing a living space in the basement of an old house with a close friend, Jenna…who he found wandering the streets alone one night while he was looking to feed. In her, a lost human girl, he was able to find a bit of his former self. He missed being able to talk to someone, laugh with someone. A door had been opened, and he took her in out of the kindness of his heart…later being the one to cross her over into darkness. The two made for a good match early on, with Dion helping Jenna to calm her emotions down, and Jenna helping him to bring his true feelings back to life…but that friendly relationship was nothing like the awakening he had when he found Dylan. It was the first time that he allowed so much unmonitored love to seep in through the cracks of his emotional armor. A life altering event, and the closest he’s ever come to being free of the fear of rejection and failure. Dylan became Dion’s salvation. The oneboy that he was willing to risk being ‘hurt’ for.
The others at the lot remain locked out of certain parts of Dion’s life, to the point where they simply don’t ask anymore. His withdrawal isn’t done with any anger or ill intent, nor has Dion ever been visibly upset about their curiosity. But his secrets stay secret, and that’s just the way it is. It’s not up for discussion. The ‘keep out’ sign on his heart is a clear warning indeed. Albeit a polite one.
While Dion is an expert at dealing with the problems of others, dispensing advice and giving his friends a shoulder to lean on if needed…he is often weak and alone when forced to turn that keen perceptive tool on himself. His routine of giving so much of his time and energy to others is an effective way to secretly keep him from having to look inward, where he is deeply afraid that he will find nothing of real purpose or value. And so, Dion spends most of his nights by himself, sitting up high above the lot on a stack of wrecked cars, isolated from the group, just him and Napolean and his music. Blocking out his emotions and attempting to remain calm and quiet…keeping whatever demons he has at bay until he can find another suitable distraction to occupy his time.
While Dion is a strong fighter and undoubtedly a loyal friend, his major flaw is his constant attempt to love from a distance. His thoughts and actions are definitely ‘genuine’ in nature…but he refuses to actually feel the emotional reward from the people he’s closest to. He’s going through the motions, but not really connecting the way he thinks he is. Dion believes that shutting down his emotions completely and being insulated from the threat of pain or loss, will give him clarity and focus. That it will somehow keep him from making an emotional mistake that he will have to suffer for later. But the illusion that a lackof emotion can somehow protect him from ever experiencing loss or ever getting hurt is what, ultimately, hurts him the most. As the loneliness and detachment eat away at him, he finds himself staying in a ‘feeling-free’ trance most nights, often afraid to resurface long enough to break his own spell.
Perhaps one day, when he gives himself permission to risk more exposure to the goodthings instead of constantly hiding from the bad…he’ll see that he’s been far too overprotective for far too long. Maybe then….the prison walls will crumble, and he’ll be free to truly love others…as well as himself.